Our initial response to the gospel, we have just heard, with its command to love our enemies, do good those who hate you, and turn the other cheek might be to feel overwhelmed at the demands Jesus makes, and either dismiss his words as the dreaming of someone not on this planet or to be consumed with guilt because we fall so short. Indeed as your priest living beside the church I occasionally get an opportunity to practice the kind of heroic virtues that Jesus has spoken about to us today. I don’t suppose many of you have often had your bell rung at length by someone in a drunken condition looking for cash at half past eleven at night, as happened to me the other night - the same person who had recently cursed me from a height and kicked my bins over. And I have to admit – without going into the details - that my feelings were not very heroic, and my response was not exactly Christ-like. Nevertheless, I want to go on trying to respond to the values Christ puts before me, because I believe they are the values of the God who created us, and they represent a wisdom higher than any civilisation can achieve, just as in the first reading David relied on a higher wisdom than his fellow soldiers, and found the courage not to kill Saul.
But the details, though I spare you them, are the kind of thing I might well bring to the Sacrament of Reconciliation from time to time. I do so because I want to conform my life to the spirit of the gospel. I don’t go to confession because I’m obsessed with sin or wracked with Catholic guilt. I Sin is very much part of the human condition. It is always with us, and I am fully convinced by the words of St. John that ‘if we say we have no sin, we deceive ourselves’.
I see guilt however as rather like the shrill sound of a radio alarm clock. The sound is not very pleasant, but its there to tell you that there is work to be done. In the face of such a sound I can do a number of things. I can turn the alarm off and go back to sleep anyway, which would be the equivalent of saying that this part of my life doesn’t matter – so I box off and suppress that part of my moral endeavour, as if its my concern and no one else’s. Or I can try to sleep through the noise and feel thoroughly unhappy, which is like not dealing with my guilt while hoping it will go away; or I can turn off the noise, get up and be surprised that the day has turned out nicer than I thought it would; that is what happens when I acknowledge my failings truthfully, express my sorrow and ask for the power to change, and experience the forgiveness of God. As for sin, I am fully convinced by the words of St. John that ‘if we say we have no sin, we deceive ourselves’.
As a Catholic I would say that if I am obsessed with anything, it is with forgiveness. And I am obsessed with forgiveness because when I encounter Jesus and take his words seriously I not only discover the sin that is within me, but I also discover that his forgiveness is for real too. I know that I don’t have to depend just on my own efforts to improve, but that he can supply me with the divine energy and motivation I need. In other words I would go to the Sacrament of Reconciliation in order to be touched and encouraged by the forgiveness of Christ. And I know that in doing so I have the support of Christ’s church too.
And why do I choose to go to a priest?. Couldn’t I just have a private conversation with the Lord in my own heart.? Well yes. And I often do, just as often, through circumstances, I eat on my own. But if I never eat with others, if the eating of food just becomes a solitary activity I miss out on the conversation and the sharing and the give and take and the ritual that is so important for human flourishing. To put it another way I go to Confession because I am a ‘material boy’, and I belong to a ‘material Church’. In other words I don’t just live in my head. When I speak about my weaknesses, faults and failings to another priest I am making myself accountable in a material and tangible way for the gifts that Christ has given me. Moreover I trust that the priest I speak to is there to represent Christ, not to indulge in his own curiosities, or to use my shortcomings as a way to boost his own ego or his own position, or to gossip and put me down. In that context, which of course is never revealed to an outsider, I can trust with confidence that he will be sufficiently strong not to be shocked by anything I say, and yet not so strong as to despise me for whatever I may say, because he will be someone who knows the limitations of his own sin, and knows the forgiveness of Christ that is without limitation.
Lent begins next Wednesday. Just over two weeks later on Saturday 10th March we will be having another Day of Reconciliation, when I will invite at least one priest from outside the Parish to be here for much of the day so that you can come and celebrate the Sacrament of Reconciliation. Do think seriously about making this part of your Lenten observance this year, particularly if you have not done so for a long time.
